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Thoughts & Ruinations

by Mick Shaffer

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1.
Amiga 04:26
Well my telephone rings in the middle of the night, Amiga says “Baby is that you on the line? Well how long’s it been? Honey, tell me what’s new. Are you alone tonight? Well gee, me too.” Amiga’s got a purpose and it’s shiny bright, Smoke, joke, drink, fuck, in the pale moonlight. She says, “Get yourself together boy and over here to me And don’t forget to bring along the midnight remedy.” We’re not in love oh no we just see eye to eye, She’s always calling me when true love says bye-bye. We met long ago at a party somewhere, Agreed on nothin’ but the chemicals in the air. She had appalling manners, a cheetah strut so fine, She pretended no interest, I pretended not to mind. Said she’s self-employed but I don’t know what she did, The details are sketchy and she keeps them well hid. But I know her favorite color, her favorite band, The oily little secrets of her last boyfriend. We’re not in love oh no we just see eye to eye, No love is so good it don’t go bad by and by. I could be wrong but I’d be in real good company, Me and King Kong, Picasso, and Tommy Lee. I could be wrong but I’d be in real good company, Ten years on and I’ll still be wondering where she’ll be. I was thinkin’ of her while she was thinkin’ of him, And I guess it’ll do in the interim. She got a throaty big laugh, a smoky little sigh, She got “Goddess” tattooed on both of her thighs. We’re not in love oh no we just see eye to eye, Never lets me meet her friends, never lets me see her cry. I could be wrong but I’d be in real good company, Just me, and some drunken sailor and Vlad the Impaler and the Kennedys.
2.
She wakes up in her make-up, racket in her head, Tiny fly in a glass of wine on the table by the bed. “Is anyone there?” she whispers soft and low, All is still, splitsville, she’s mercifully alone. Can’t recall a name, just a smile on a face, maybe an ill-fitting suit, Gone before the dawn, maybe passed out on the lawn, Tripping over low hanging fruit. Grew up plenty wild, an only child, Party dress, party parents, party home. Mommy’s Cabernet lips, Daddy always giving sips, But in the morning “Just leave us alone.” She did as she was told, she was lacquered in gold, Splash of bubbly dressed up real cute, Reading all the signs, falling for the lines, Harvesting the low hanging fruit. She wrote her life down in invisible ink, Lovers and dreams start to stink, Drunk on the want, it ain’t enough now, How those boys just love taking a bow. Hearing too much looking good for her years, Sweet talkin’ fools, so sincere. Peeling back the skin, seeing what’s below Scars linger on, they just won’t go. Never thought of love as a gift from above, just shelf-life gratitude, Lookin’ everywhere for devotion but care but love ain’t that astute. These marks one day they say will fade, ‘cept the ones that have taken root. Westbound on Amtrak, never looking back, Spitting out the low hanging fruit.
3.
Lay It Down 04:19
She begged me to see her past the sharper edges, Out beyond the harder ground. Somewhere she could leave behind the consequences, Somewhere to lay her disturbance down. Lay it down. We sat holding hands in the departure garden, She held a one-way ticket on the Jubilee train. She said, “I’ve had enough of begging everyone’s pardon, I‘ve had enough of this cold hard rain. Lay it down.” “Well I packed for the weather and I practiced everything I’m gonna say. I’m going where there’s birds of a feather, no more Hell to pay.” She started gushing ‘bout that tall strong horseman, “He rode tall strong horses with the greatest of ease, “Since he’s been gone I miss the barnstormin’, Where I’m goin’ I s’pose he’s waiting for me, To lay it down.” I wept when I told her my well-kept secret, “You disappointed me as much as I did you.” She smiled and said, “Today we finally speak it! She said, “That wasn’t well-kept! I always knew So lay it down.” “If you lead with your heart, ain’t much ends up getting spared, Don’t waste precious hours cryin’ over unanswered prayers.” Her train pulled in and we walked to the landing, She said “I’d take some small talk now if you’ve any to spare.” I said “You’re almost home, it’s all you’ve been demanding, This life is brief, this life is rare. She kissed my cheek and said, “It’s time I’m leavin’, Got everything I wanted, just nothin’ I need, Stay out of trouble or me you’ll be seein’, And give up that ghost, it’s comin’ with me. Lay it down.”
4.
I might think a lot like you in another world, I might share your point of view in another world. I might tell you the truth in another world, I might show you the proof in another world. I could maybe get some sleep in another world, I would slowly slip away in another world. I’d lay down my head and see your face at night, I’d make my way across the bed, It’s been taking too long, It’s been taking too long, I can’t wait here anymore, I can’t... I would lose my self-control in another world, I would tear this place apart in another world, I’d carve my name into the wall and I’d feel good about it, I’d paint my picture in the hall just to look at me. It’s been taking too long, It’s been taking too long, I can’t wait here anymore, I can’t…. I would learn to get along, I would write you one more song, I’d let the people who love me come back to me, Might even talk about tomorrow. In another world.
5.
Glimmer 04:18
Hey! Come here, come over here. Stand right here and look straight out. Do you see that? See that way, way off? That little light just below the horizon? Man, that’s a glimmer of hope. Do you even remember them? We thought they’d died out. So long ago. When I was a kid there was always one scratching at the back door. The rich always dangled theirs in the faces of the poor. They grew on trees, they were our playthings, Made it warmer in winter, cooler in Spring. But then things got loud. And careless. And oblivious. And mean. And congress followed coin, it never followed need. And suffering just feasted indifferently. Trampled underfoot. No glimmers, just soot. Man this is sure bringing back some ghosts. When heroes failed, and plans were botched, Every answer to every plea became “So what?” Everything we loved became an angry stare, Life got thinner, without glimmers to hold off despair. But maybe that one there if we handle with care, Will come and shine on these hard times. ‘Cause history my love don’t repeat itself, but sometimes it rhymes. So sit here quietly, I think it’s on its way. . Shhhh…it’s coming.
6.
True 04:24
Well now bless my soul, and bless yours too, Today this ragged old soul feels shiny and new. Think I’ll buy a round for everybody don’t agree with me. Takin’ back my home, makin’ a new vow, Wave to them sons-uh-bitches as they slink out of town. I ain’t bitter I’m just better when they’re not around. Yeah you gotta be strong, and carry on, we’re pushin’ through these dark days with a heart that’s true. I been livin’ too long like I ain’t in the club, Been searchin’ the skies for a light up above. Growlin’ in my soul, too young to feel so old. They say it’s gonna get harder before it gets hard, They say I gotta live on an inch when I need a yard. They flip the Jack of Diamonds with a grin and ask “Is that your card?” You gotta be strong, and carry on, we’re pushin’ through these dark days with a heart that’s true. I got two good legs to carry me ahead, I’m runnin’ out of breath but I’m not dead yet, Kickin’ up my heels when that pettin’ gets heavy tonight. Well I’m a fine leaky vessel at my very best, But tonight I’m swimmin’ out to look up over the crest, Big wave breakin’ could be earth shakin’! Don’t you want to see? Yeah you gotta be strong, and carry on, we’re pushin’ through these dark days with a heart that’s true. I said you gotta live it long, and carry on, we’re pushin’ through these dark days with a heart that’s true.
7.
Same old new thing. Don’t bring it home ‘cause I’ll just drink it, You know my thirst runs deep. Bring it up and I’ll think it, Hours, days, and days and weeks. When I say it I will spray it I will lay it right down here in a smoking heap, When I hide it I will fight it then I’ll pulverize it till it starts in to talkin’ sweet. You can take as much as you want, Just leave me enough for the sting. And while you’re up get me another Of that same old new thing. Same old new thing. “It’s a perfect night for backsliding” Said Fatima with a stretch and a yawn, “All this daylight confiding, Feelin’ naked as the day I was born.” She slid closer and I felt like a poser, Buying time I bat my eyes boyishly, I said “You’re shining like a star but we’ve come too far, Besides I gotta finish up my eulogy.” She took a drag off of her smoke and blew me a heart-shaped ring. She said, “Once again my dear I just sit here while you play that same old new thing!” Same old new thing. Bad dreams I can’t remember, and a bad liver keep me up nights, Well I burned down this morning last night when I shot out the lights. And today could be the day I jump right out of this skin, Lay me down and get me high and slip away and fly and I’m late to the party again. Sunday morning, on my hands and knees ‘Cause there’s those of us that crawl when we pray. This ship is heading fast into shadows cast Ah look at the size of those waves. The hooks are in, it’s a whirlpool spin and there just ain’t no sign of land, I can’t catch my breath but I could catch my death if it all goes according to plan. Well blow me down! Is that higher ground? Can’t you hear them sirens sing? And we’re lashed to the mast as we sail on past Towards that same old new thing. Same old new thing.
8.
Imagining 05:04
Knew in time I’d hear that doorbell chime, She came back, for the rest of her stuff. Ain’t lookin’ too kind nor giving no signs, Oh baby, this is gonna be rough. No goodbye kiss, no goodbye fling; Yeah she’s still upset ‘bout that credit card thing. A heart of stone and she’s run out of tears, Lookin’ like I’ll be left sitting here; Imagining, getting through this long, long night. Imagining, how she saw me with eyes so bright. “Your prospects ain’t no better than your habit,” she said and started to pack. And if I wasn’t so high and she'd not look me in the eye; bet I’d come up with the perfect comeback. Something quick and cruel to make her feel like a fool; A wise crack, a movie star wisecrack. I clear my throat like I got something to say, And with that look she blows it all away; Imagining, how I tied this up so pretty with a bow, Imagining, where’s she gonna stay, where’s gonna she go? Dreamed I was a coward, woke up and it wasn’t a dream. Shakin’ like a Chihuahua caught in the high beams. Maybe go to group therapy and be the quiet one in the back, Make a new friend over at the table where they serve the coffee and snacks. “Hi there, how long has it been for you? Really? That’s the same for me too. Let’s just agree they were something we both outgrew.” “I was doing pretty bad but now I’m alright; that twitch I had it disappeared last night. Now if I could just stop staring at the walls.” Imagining, how I held her in her arms. Imagining, how I promised I’d never break her heart. Imagining, when she was happy, she’d shake her hips, Imagining…..
9.
I was the youngest of 3, folks called us inbred, Me, Jake, and Jimmie slept in the same bed. Took our meals in a shed, one got cut the others bled, We were dirt farm brothers, oh yeah. Jake’s the oldest had a pair of lazy eyes, Jimmie’s in the middle, never ever cries. And mama papa couldn’t follow how they couldn’t make a dollar, On a farm in Ogalala, oh yeah. Brains in the family didn’t run, didn’t trot, Folks in town said I was easy to spot, With a head full of lice, sleeve full of snot, “That boy is dumb as the dirt, oh yeah!” One day, I’m gonna hear ‘em say, “We were wrong and we’re sorry, We apologize and shout it to the skies, ‘Oh forgive us, we’re on our knees!’” One night, when I finally get it right, I’ll stand up on this table and shout, “Take your teeth out my neck and baby hit the deck, ‘Cause I think I finally got it all figured out!” Daddy’s bad with money; but I made that dirt farm run, I could grow with nary a seed, me and my green thumb. Blue sky, scrapin’ by, livin’ on nothin’ but tough. But a little dirt it never hurt, I understood, dirt was enough. Papa hit the good book, mama just us, Church got the farm, and the family went bust. So I cut and run, stuck out my green thumb, California here I come! Papa’s on a mission, Mama sleeps with politicians. Blows whichever way the wind blows. Jake and Jimmie’s in Reno livin’ off of Keno, So off to Mendocino I go. I grow the emerald green, my life is so keen, Got so much money it’d scare ya. Yessiree, me and the dispensary, Call me dumb now I double, double dare ya! One day, I’m gonna hear ‘em say, “We were wrong and we’re sorry, We apologize and shout it to the skies, ‘Oh just a taste if you please!’ One night, when I finally get it right, I’ll stand up on this table and shout, “Take your teeth out my neck and baby hit the deck, ‘Cause I think I finally got it all figured out!”
10.
She was a friend of a friend of some guy he knew, One quarter Irish, three quarter Sioux. She lived by a graveyard 'cause she liked the view, She got the lay of the land when the bill come due. She used to pray and pray in the light of day, For something to come and take her away. But daylight prayer turned to ash in her mouth. But in the cool of the moon her prayer was found. She stood six-foot-tall with legs kinda bowed, And he’d follow those legs wherever they’d go. When she’s dancin’ in the moonlight. Well she saw right through to his hiding place, She said “I don’t know you but I know your face. Have you come for the moon or have you come for me?” He said “There ain’t no difference that I can see.” She stood six-foot-tall with legs kinda bowed, And he’d follow those legs wherever they’d go. When she’s dancin’ in the moonlight. Well he was a man with feet of clay, He never knew life till she dance and sway. Pale blue rays playing off her skin, Can’t tell where she stop and where the moon begin. There’s a poster on a pole in the middle of town, They’re missing 3 weeks, can’t be found. If seen, don’t notify the next of kin, They can go to God and sort it out with Him. Two shadows in the road intertwined, With pools of light dripping from the sky. And they’re drownin’ in the moonlight.

credits

released April 21, 2021

Songs by Michael Shaffer except “Another World” by Scott Mickelson & “Glimmer” by Scott Mickelson/Michael Shaffer

WARNING: There may be cuss words in these songs.

Song arrangements: MS & Scott Mickelson

Produced, engineered, & mixed by Scott Mickelson
Mastered by Matthew Barnhart at Chicago Mastering Service

Front cover sculpture art: SPIDER I, 1995 by Louise Bourgeois
Bronze, dark and polished patina; 50 x 46 x 12 1/4"
© The Easton Foundation / VAGA at Artists Rights Society (ARS), NY

Album art design: Scott Mickelson

Photos by Marty Shaffer

Big Goddamn Thanks:

To the amazing musicians who deigned to play their little hearts out on this thing: Scott, Frank, Wil, Andrew, Adam, Dennis, Michael, & Tom.

To the wonder that is Scott Mickelson. Thank you for your brilliant artistry, for lighting the path & pushing me down it when I staggered, & your valued friendship. You’re a good man to ride the river with…

To Marty, you hold & are my heart.

To all of you for listening

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